I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
