The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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