Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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