I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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