I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh god the rape fog is back!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
