i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize