i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize