My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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