U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
