Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
