where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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