Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
