I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.