If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
