You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
