I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
