he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
