i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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