I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
