yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
