I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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