At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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