I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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