It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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