I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
