I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
