We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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