I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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