i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
