Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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