Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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