I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
