I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
