someone get that fucking seahorse.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
