So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
