I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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