Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
