I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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