Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
