I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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