some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
