Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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