Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
