I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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