Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
