you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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