It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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