My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
