If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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