just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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