so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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