lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
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If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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