are you still at the devil's house?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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