Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
