so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
