R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The air was thick with penises
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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