i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He shit in the fireplace
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
