When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
