i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
