omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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