woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
