I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
