Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
