I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
