He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
