He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.