Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.

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  (269): bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile. http://tfl.nu/sd6y
  Replies (2) Good night (1028) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?

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  (808): Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show? http://tfl.nu/1sfk
  Replies (2) Good night (945) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?

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  (313): Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board? http://tfl.nu/cf1u
  Replies (19) Good night (791) Bad night (5855)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"

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  (813): The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you" http://tfl.nu/44qj
  Replies (14) Good night (7120) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.

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  (228): I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too. http://tfl.nu/itca
  Replies (15) Good night (4144) Bad night (2324)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

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  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3624) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.

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  (651): No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep. http://tfl.nu/9hze
  Replies (8) Good night (2281) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST

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  (248): THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST http://tfl.nu/uts3
  Replies (5) Good night (1634) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.

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  (708): My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with. http://tfl.nu/rm3v
  Replies (15) Good night (2269) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke

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  (201): She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke http://tfl.nu/9cxf
  Replies (1) Good night (1420) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.

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  (+49): Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/6o3i
  Replies (7) Good night (495) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.

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  (940): No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird. http://tfl.nu/3ffu
  Replies (3) Good night (309) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.

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  (313): Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man. http://tfl.nu/vwyk
  Replies (6) Good night (837) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

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  (803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick? http://tfl.nu/r3gk
  Replies (4) Good night (1392) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.

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  (909): Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work. http://tfl.nu/qyvz
  Replies (2) Good night (212) Bad night (456)

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