Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I dont have a dog?

(774): View more from Massachusetts

WTF

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.

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