just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
