My balls are so social today.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.