Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
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god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister