I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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