I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I still have a little drunk in my system
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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