Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
