Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
