You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
