So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
