Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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