Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
