Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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