I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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