Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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