you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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