Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
