Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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