So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she pinky promised me she was 18
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
