one might say we're banned from that church
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
